Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Feeling full and happy now :) after close to six hours of starvation aka. consecutive lessons.. I have seriously no idea why my class's timetable is like that.. is it that difficult to slot in a half-hour break for us? Even if the teachers aren't feeling hungry (are they powered by batteries or something..), the students definitely ARE, being highly active adolescents with astronomical metabolism rates and all that! So I don't really appreciate the slimming down regime the school has so specially and lovingly arranged for us in mind, (to what? prevent us from turning into obese slobs overflowing with brain juice?!) because I think I'm going to end up with gastric in the end. tsktsk. My tummy is already becoming weird; sometimes I don't feel hungry even after five hours, which is quite abnormal (><)

And speaking of school, it hasn't been a pleasant day altogether because we got our quarterly-assessments (?) back today and I didn't do particularly well for my best subject - chemistry.... or rather, I just messed the whole thing up which was very disappointing for myself.. Frankly, I had already expected such a grade because I didn't manage to complete a rather large portion of the section which warranted the most marks during the exam, but still, the feeling of seeing that alphabet scrawled in bright red on my exam script was..lousy.. It was supposed to be my best subject after all.. so you can imagine the disappointment, frustration I felt, and the guilt at letting my mother and teachers down.. I really, really, really did study hard for the exam but I can't deny that nerves and anxiety got the better of me during the exam, leading to the in explicable loss of preciousss marks.. sighh.. life.. is just tough yea?

Anyway, hard work is really overrated. Seriously. Whoever said that success is 99% hard work and 1% talent is a damn deluded dude (ooh alliteration at work ^~^).. I mean, anyone who has tried before would know that this is not always true, and the feeling when you comprehend that really sucks. Moreover, we don't live in an age where we can spend our entire lifetime working towards just one success anymore; we're busy people with so many goals that sometimes we lose focus of even our own lives.

And yet, teachers somehow still love to preach that saying (they think it's so easy) but I'm certain they have forgotten the feeling of failing after trying so hard or slogging your guts out. Which sucks BIG time..

That is precisely why I feel that sometimes it's unfair for teachers to condemn students for not trying hard when they don't do well.. It's not always the case of the student not studying and entering the examination hall preparing to fail. Because there are also situations where students study, but nonetheless, are still prepared to fail.. (which student doesn't want to pass anyway!! but if there are, they deserve to be whacked and bulldozed over cos they give other students a bad name) I've been there before so you can trust me on that. Just last year, I studied so hard for one subject that I had insomnia, followed by nightmares when I could finally sleep -.- and a tummyache which wouldn't go away on the day of the exam, but in the end, my grade was still scraping the barrel.. That's why I'm a firm believer that putting in effort doesn't necessarily equate to getting an exemplary grade because it's SIMPLY not true! All we can do is hope for the best? o(><)o" Hope is supposed to make the world go round too right?

And sadly so, the same thing applies in my cca.. I've learnt the hard way many a times that practising hard doesn't mean you can then play well.. and I hate that for it.. so yesterday, I did something which was very unlike me.. something which I have never allowed myself to do before.. *starts bringing the mirror out*


I ran away. I escaped.


but for a mere thirty minutes.. which is just 2% of the entire day (does that make it any better? I hope so =P)

The guilt when doing it was certainly awful but I guess I really needed the breather.. And can you imagine that it has been this way throughout high school? I feel like I'm constantly teetering on the edge of a cliff, a rubber band which can be stretched no longer about to fall or snap anytime.. and I'm fearful of that happening.. sighsigh.. but I'm making amends by reflecting on it now.. *stares very very intently at mirror--*

*and gets cross-eyed* XD

Haha anyway enough of emo-ness. I shall end this post off with a humourous quote from school that I heard of today.

Growing old is an empowering process because the oldest wizard is always the wisest, just like Albus Dumbledore. Oh, and Al Gogh, anyone? XD LOL

Some people are just naturally beautiful~
(just another from my bevy of perfect guys <3)

Sunday, 28 March 2010

It's a rather exciting feeling to have a blog again after almost 4 years; it's like a fresh new start and yet it feels somewhat nostalgic too because it makes me recall the depressing memories associated with my first blog.. which marked the ups (rarely) and downs in my first year in high school: the reconciliation of best friends (a short reprieve at most..), the falling out of normal friends, family issues and pretty much everything upsetting in life.. But now, I want this blog to be the exact opposite! By setting this journal up, I'm promising change in my own life to myself.. I want to get myself out of this whole mess, to rid the self-intensified sadness that has been enshrouding me for the past years and for once, live for myself as myself..

It's a difficult thing to do, considering the way I've lived all along, but I'm determined and I hope this journal will be a chronicle of my successes and a constant reminder to myself the things I've gone through to better myself.. Now, that sounds more inspiring! Haha but I do feel I've made some progress already these two years for I've become a much happier person around people :) and though I can't say for sure it's a good thing because I find myself too mellow nowadays to the extent that people around me keep insisting I'm fragile and bully-able (what with glass is fragile because it breaks, but you can't blame glass for breaking ._.") but I'm quite happy I've tamed my fiery temper to a very large extent because family life is much more blissful now without my shoutings and all. And just to clear a common misconception, I'm not easy to bully at all. Try me. Anytime. HAHA

Heh, but people would have never guessed what a fiery little lion I was in the past (and you can't blame me cos it's all because I'm a leo *pouts*) but I can't blame them.. people don't really understand me anyway.. haha and I rather remain a mystery to others because it's safer that way =) Most people simply think I'm a very sweet, nice and pinkish girl, and I don't deny that the former two qualities hold XD , but they don't really bother to know me past that, which is technically, quite sad because hey, who wants to be known as just the "sweet and nice pink girl". ZZZ I could probably find you a million girls in the world who fit that mould.. but more about myself another time~

Ahh I already find it tiring to just type a few paragraphs *wipes perspiration off forehead* haha how am I ever going to keep up with blogging a few times a week! I can't believe how I managed to do that last time..mymyy.. I must have been uber free then.. but now..*looks at mountain of work towering over myself and shakes head dejectedly* haha *jabs fist high in air* I will do this, I think.. anyway I shall end my post here cos I have more pressing matters like a birthday card to do so till thenn~

Oh and welcome officially to the mokie's hole!! o(^~^)o"